It doesn’t happen to me very often. But tonight it did. I’m not proud of it. I wish I could ignore it. I can’t. Tonight was just one of those nights that I didn’t want to be on Worship Team.
There’s a dozen reasons why that could be: I’ve got a ton of schoolwork, I’m tired, honey-do’s aren’t getting done, etc. The truth is that this really bothered me. I searched my soul–was I in sin? No, nothing came to mind. Was I distant from God? Maybe, but I seemed to have no difficulty hearing from Him. In fact, I outright told him: “I don’t want to be here.” The response–I understand.
No isnt that an interesting response. The God of all creation seemed to have an understanding that I didn’t want to be there at that very moment in time and seemed OK with it. Even if he wasn’t OK with it, I didn’t feel scolded or shamed. I felt loved. It’s important to me that my Creator understands where I’m coming from. His response is also important to me.
I think the critical lesson to be learned is that there are times in everyone’s life when they don’t WANT to serve God, or worship Him or be anywhere near him. Nor should it be approached as a duty or even a responsibility. It is instead an opportunity. So when I felt distant and lacked a desire to approach, I simply asked for different heart. The change on that is slow–but I’m already sensing a hunger for tommorrow.